I look better un-naked...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
