theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
