So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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