clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I know her cup size but not her name....
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