I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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