just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
