he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
either way he was missing a nipple.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
