And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
