i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Two words: blizzard sex
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
