Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
