Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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