i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
