i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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