After last night, I could never be a politician.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
