dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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