"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize