if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
