i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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