My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize