Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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