in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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