I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
