I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
