dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
