I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
