I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
