Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize