return my video game
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
