we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
