We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
