is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
