How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
