Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is Oprah even human
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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