Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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