im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
