ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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