New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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