Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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