MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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