Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
