All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
