I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
