It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
