I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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