he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
