I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize