It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
