Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
