Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
