Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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