im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
