I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it was like eating out sand paper
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Randomize
