it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
