Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
