honey bunches of taint.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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