Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
