mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
