"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
