she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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