the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
