Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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