im holly from the hills drunk
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
