i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
