Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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