I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
