just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
