i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
