i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
