Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
