I want you more than these girls want KFC
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
