it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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