Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
