would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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