she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Panties = found
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
