Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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