omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I currently don't understand fingers.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
