Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
