so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
