I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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