I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
